So if you have already been here and seen some of my previous posts, you might have noticed that I have done away with all of them. I have unceremoniously trashed the lot. The reason for this can be summed up in a venn diagram of lost interest in what I have said, no direction in the manner of my posts, and an indifference to whether or not people bother to read the posts. If you stop writing for about a month it probably means that the blog it isn’t worth keeping anyway.
I’m going in a new direction anyhow, using this site as some sort of a staging area for my design portfolio.
Now I have some difficulty when I use the word “design”. When people ask me what it is I’m interested in, I usually have to pause for a second and muster the courage to say “design”. Firstly, the term is so broad. I might as well say ” Oh, I’m interested in something non-specific, intangible, wide ranging, yes, something like that”. I struggle even harder when I get asked what I do. The usual response would be, again, a choked “Oh, I do graphic stuff. Like a designer”. Then I wait for a further probe, if the questioner is interested, that is.
Notice the careful tip-toe around the use of the more pronounced “I’m a graphic designer”. This stems from a myriad of problems I face. The term in itself is limiting – because it means that I do stuff like flyers, posters, logos, identity – static images, above all. Even if this isn’t the entire scope of a graphic designer, it is certainly the stuff that a layman would think of at the mention of the occupation. Saying I do illustration, graphic, interior, interactive sounds a bit like I’m blowing my own trumpet and sounding like a jack-of-all-trades-master-at-none at the same time.
Secondly when do I become qualified enough to call myself a designer? I doctor gets his title after his med degree and a residency, a lawyer becomes a lawyer after his Bar, and an hawker gets his title after his first regular customer is identified.
I don’t have a regular degree or any qualification in design like most of my counterparts do. I graduated with a diploma in Mass Communications, and probably had one module Graphic Communications in Foundation year. Despite this, I’ve been told that a portfolio is more than enough to solidify one’s mark of creativity. I’ve done a fair share of work over the past few years, but I would hardly call it a “portfolio”. The problem is that a lot of work I have done is for some client whose artistic direction has been banal, mediocre, utilitarian, and which I have had absolutely no control over. These projects end up as skeletons of my original intent, and get relegated to the black hole of portfolio unworthiness.
There is a folder in my hard drive dedicated to this graveyard of work that I have dished out purely for the sake of expediting the paycheck what was promised. I rarely click on it, and when I do, I cringe.
Thirdly, am I good enough at all to make it as a designer? The question lies open like a bleeding steak. I spend a lot of time on sites like notcot.org, but does it float, ffffound, the usual watering hole for folk in search for visual stimulation and design news. These sites are great for inspiration, and I visiting them is almost like a daily ritual for me. But I can’t help feeling a sense of disappointment and frustration at the same time. How do these people get so good? And in order to be listed at the top, one has to be even better than these guys. As Paul Smith said : “Why look at other people’s designs? They’ve been done. It’s like reading yesterday’s papers. True is design is about looking into the future.” These are the real designers and artisans. I’m not confident I can pull that stuff off.
This problem needs a solution, and fast. I am currently serving in the army with about six months more until I end service. After that, life is one big open road. Although I’m still unsure of whether to study or to work (traveling is an imperative), I do know with all certainty it will be in the field that I love, design. The only question is – would I have a portfolio that is substantial enough to find a job or get myself placed in a degree course with a good standing. If I have nothing, I will be tossed into a whirlwind of more fruitless textbox-pushing, vector aligning, logo-enlarging bullshit which is so prevalent in my current CV.
That’s where this site comes in. I intend to chronicle my quest to build a style, a portfolio of some kind, over the next six months. Hopefully it would lead me somewhere, and get me out of this uncomfortable limbo I’m in.
